Your Questions Answered - Selina

I’m a carer to my daughter, Priya, who is autistic, non-verbal and has complex needs. From getting her dressed to brushing her teeth, feeding her, regulating her emotions and preventing accidents, her care is always at the centre of everything our family does. For me, there’s a real sense of Seva in caring for Priya, which is a Sikh belief in compassion and showing up for others without expectation. Due to my caring duties, I would never be able to work a traditional 9-5 job in an office, and I’m incredibly grateful I don’t have to. I’m now a senior manager in Strategy, Risk and Transactions Advisory, working with clients and a wide range of colleagues. My team is hugely supportive, and I’m able to work flexibly to provide the care Priya needs. For example, leaving early for an emergency or moving my hours around when needed. Caring and working are equally important to me, and over time I’ve learned that the two don’t compete with each other, they shape each other. It’s a life of meltdowns and tantrums at home and meetings and timesheets at work. Somehow, both versions of me make the other stronger!

Deloitte has a Carers Group within its Working Families Network, where people can go for support and help. As well as running regular coffee mornings and events, it’s a space for people to meet others in their situation and get advice. The network can also signpost people to support they can get from the firm that might be specific to their situation. This could include practical information around flexible working, or help with their wellbeing.

The firm also offers flexible working, which carers can take advantage of. In addition to shifting hours around specific responsibilities, there is the opportunity to take carer’s leave. This means you get five days of extra paid leave every year, which you can use however is needed.

Alongside this we have wider family friendly policies that benefit all parents. Deloitte offers equalised parenting leave, so all parents get six months fully paid leave for maternity and paternity. Additional leave is available for people whose babies have more complex needs, such as needing specialist care when they’re born. 

I make use of Deloitte’s carer’s leave, especially in the summer.  It’s a godsend during the school holidays, because with Priya’s level of needs, holiday clubs and childcare options are extremely limited.  She needs constant supervision, as she has no sense of danger. The extra leave allows me to spend the time I need with her, without trying to juggle too many things. The day-to-day flexible working culture also allows me to exist properly in both worlds, rather than being stretched between them. For carers it can make the difference between surviving the school holidays and completely drowning in them.

I’m a member of the Working Families Network and the Neurodiversity Network. The Neurodiversity supports neurodiverse colleagues, as well as parents with neurodiverse children. They run education events, but I also find it really helpful to speak to others in my situation. Within the Working Families Network Carer’s Group, there’s carers in many different situations. This includes people who are caring for elderly or sick family members, as well as people like me with children who have complex needs. I’ve always used the network to get advice and support on Education Care Plans, because there’s others in the group who have been through similar. My partners and operating unit really understand my situation and it’s never an inconvenience for anyone. That really helps, as I feel like I can build my career while putting Priya’s needs first.

My advice to other carers would be not to lose yourself completely in caring. So many carers run on empty because they feel like they have to keep going, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. I try to hold onto the parts of myself outside of caring too, like work and spending time with friends and family. Caring can be hard, emotional and exhausting at times, but it’s also one of the greatest honours of my life. When things do get tough, I find myself turning to humour- whether that’s a funny gif or laughing with my colleagues. I advise anyone who is a carer to take the help and support offered to you and make sure you ask for help when you need it.