Well, I guess raising hay, so to speak, comes with the blog territory, but I didn’t realize just how much ‘hay’ my compulsively transparent call to action would kick up. (Check out the original Compulsively Transparent entry.)

Some of you may be new to this community so let me rewind a bit. A trend heard from younger folks is that they don’t want to be like their predecessors. I guess this is something that each generation says about those that come before, but the scale and consistency of the message causes me to take particular note. The under-40 crowd wants more time for family (perhaps due to a greater sharing of family responsibilities—but I may be getting off track here), greater balance, choice, flexibility and the like. In short, their perception is that boomers don’t have these attributes and, by implication, don’t have any choice about it.

Come on, let’s face it—we relative elders (yes, I’m hesitantly admitting my advanced age here) have figured out some acceptable balance for ourselves or one of two things would be happening: we’d all be walking around like a bunch of drones or we wouldn’t be walking around in the corporate world at all.

So, in my mind, if each of us can sign up to being compulsively transparent about the self-crafted balance solutions and shortcuts we’ve come up with along the way, others can learn by example—a good thing to be sure. And who knows, perhaps we can even put on the radar screen what is today an acceptably below-the-radar-screen set of happenings. Why not get it out in the open when we bug out of the workplace to do a few needed errands, stuff envelopes at the elementary school, or take that afternoon-only extreme yoga class (or whatever activity it is).

Boy, have I been getting an earful on this one. Retorts like “we can’t give our secrets away on how we do it or it may be used against us” and “we’ll be perceived as slackers or not committed if we came clean” capture the mood. OK, OK, I acknowledge that giving away the decoder rings opens us up to some level of vulnerability, shall we say.

But don’t you think it’s time to provide some transparency into all the unconventional and even curious ways we each make it all work? Isn’t it about time that we gave ourselves credit for the varied ways we get it all done? Even walk with a bit of a swagger confident in knowing what we accomplish and insisting that we be evaluated on the accomplishment. Are we really that insecure? Apprehensive? Self-doubting?

If now is not the time to force a compulsively transparent culture, then when is? If we are not the ones to do so, then who? What do you think? Inquiring minds want to know…

By blogger Cathy Benko, Deloitte & Touche USA LLP

Thursday, Jan. 18, 2007 4:40 p.m. EST

Comments to Raising Hay

Marian in Chicago wrote:
Wow. What a fantastic conversation you have sparked! There's no denying an epidemic of American female achievers feeling disenchanted or called toward a higher purpose (or both). As a coach of hundreds of clients since 96, I believe this healthy restlessness is part of a revolution brewing among awakening (white collar) women. I don't mean any kind of hostile revolt, but a need to revolutionize how we pursue ambition and achievement. It's about enthusiastically taking a stand for healthier, smarter, more joyful success, for ourselves and for a sisterhood of conscious women.

One conclusive theme emerges in reviewing recent studies and women's stories. It's not that women aren't powerful or talented enough to make it in the top rungs. Rather, many are choosing not to pursue lifestyles they view as hazardous to one's psychological, physical, spiritual and ethical health. Who wants to keep pushing to break through a glass ceiling if this leads to more stress and a shattered spirit? We are at the threshold of redefining success and reclaiming joy. I think professional women will and must lead this movement. This is great news for alert women willing to embrace change.

In the early nineties a number of best-selling books argued that the growing influence of women, especially in business, could help create a more humane and nurturing American culture. Unfortunately, many clients and colleagues echo the refrain that pressure to be like a man in order to succeed has gotten worse in ten years, not better.

Whatever your admiration or resistance to the term feminism, let's agree to the benefits of reviving the power and pride of feminine energy. It's clear that the values and cultural undertow of professional life have many of us swimming against the current of our true nature. It's exhausting. Many women don't even know why they're feeling out of sync, or realize that there are millions of other women out there feeling the very same way. How can we make it easier to just love being a girl?

I'm also hopeful that more women will be inspired to nourish and support each other (rather than augment the unfortunate, power-hungry stereotypes that glorify survival of the self-promoting fittest). Part of the new wave of feminism should include breaking a code of pretense, being more honest with each other about how we actually feel, and supporting each other with genuine empathy. This doesn't mean always being transparent at work if there are high risk consequences. My dream is that there is strength in numbers to reduce the work culture backlash.

We can make a difference by infusing the best of feminine spirit into our lives, businesses and world leadership. Everyone benefits from authentic quality of life improvements. Why not go for a trickle down theory of inspiration? Are you in?

When sleeping women wake, mountains move.
- Chinese Proverb

Julia in Atlanta wrote:
Every new generation and culture entering the workforce will bring with it new perspectives and new solutions to address their own particularities. I welcome that. It seems a natural part of life. With that said, one must consider the added complexities of being "compulsively transparent" when ones sex is not the only particularity that differentiates colleague from colleague. An intersectional analyses (analyses that considers how multiple minority status may affect one's experience) urges me to suggest that individuals must engage and gage their own environment and coworkers to determine just how transparent to be. Thus, eliminating compulsive transparency altogether I suppose.

Louise in London wrote:
I really want to hear tips on how to negotiate flexibility, in addition to how to manage that flexibility when it arrives. I recently joined a professional services firm and, shortly after, unexpectedly decided it was time to start a family. Rather than feeling joyous I'm now petrified because I can already see from the way colleagues are treated that if I request part time work after maternity leave it will be career limiting. We're not even allowed to work from home on the days we don't have meetings because it might 'open the floodgates'. It seems you can work as virtual teams provided you're on a client site but not at any other time - which is ridiculously hypocritical.

Two things also really upset me after joining. First I was told senior management are out of touch with the realities of working mothers because they all earn hideous amounts of money and have stay at home wives who run the home and care for children. The concept is alien in their personal life therefore they cannot relate in their work life. Great.

Second I was told by a senior female colleague that 'the way it works round here is you decide which of you or your husband earns least and that person gives up work - its all economics - don't try and balance work and babies, you can't give the firm what it needs'.  I'm still reeling. Are we really still at the stage where women have to act like alpha males in the work place to get on?

Anonymous wrote:
I agree. We do need guidance from those of us who that have been successful in balancing work and life outside of work. For someone like myself that just joined the organization and in my early 20's, so much of what I have learned so far is from people who are older and have been there-done that. I am anxious about how I am going to be able to do it all- have a family and work really hard and be successful. These comments are only mine but I can assure you that I know many people that work with me share the same anxiety about our future. Any help is appreciated!

Heather in San Francisco wrote:
I think we in the over 40 set have had to keep our flexible strategies secret from men for so long that we don't give it a second thought any more. But technology has changed the game and I think we should shout it from the rooftops! We are client service professionals and are valued for results and relationships, not cubicle hours. If we are smart enough to know that we can review workpapers at night in our bathrobes faster/better than in a noisy office, we should be proud of it.

Anonymous wrote:
My need to balance work and personal life may be easier than some because my children are all grown. At the same time, supporting elderly parents and spending time with grandchildren (who FAR outnumber children) sorta fill in the gaps. It seems as though I have more personal tasks and less personal time than I had when I was younger. For me, I've conceded that consulting is a 24/7 commitment, and I schedule personal tasks along with work activities. I treat them all with the same priority criteria, and somehow I get most of it done. Many times, I address personal errands during work hours, which is easily justified by the amount of evening and weekend time I spend on client work. This approach of prioritizing it all together has reduced my stress enormously.

Anonymous in Atlanta wrote:
Many of these wonderful responses have been from our female colleagues. I'd like to hear from the men! Surprisingly, I heard from one of our very senior executives that he thought compulsively transparent was a career-limiting move and a non-starter (I put it much nicer than he did). If this is eliciting this much passion and opposition from male leadership, shouldn't we take the time to understand why?

Ann in New York wrote:
There is a way in which all people feel a little like imposters in their careers. If people knew the whole story, we fantasize, we'd never get away with it. But everyone feels that way I realize at this time in my working life. Everyone feels that way, artists, economists, housewives, IT people ... everyone. That's really the biggest secret of all and perhaps why people resist being transparent.

Big4 in Massachusetts wrote:
Cathy, thanks for your comment. We recently saw the news on going public, a commendable outcome. We like it!....but do stay frank, candid, anti-establishment and hard-hitting, despite all the exposure, that's what is going to make it work.

We blogged on this at
http://bigfouralumni.blogspot.com/2007/01/deloittes-win-blog-goes-public.html#links

Nancy in Old Greenwich wrote:
Congratulations to you and Deloitte on launching such a candid, insightful and entertaining external blog. As a career counselor and founder of a career consulting website for working mothers, I have spent the past 10 years working with professional women and comeback moms who seek better ways to blend work and family.

Your blog is a breath of fresh air that should inspire others to open the dialogue and promote candid discussion of this integral workplace issue.

Sharon in Wilton wrote:
Well it's about time!!!  I applaud the subject. Being an older mom (closer to 50) and full-time single parent (although I know some married parents feel single!) I know how to juggle thanks to the large professional services firm where I work. No secrets! I am there for school functions, classroom mom and lately school dance chaperone! My management has never had an issue with my performance so us older folks are doing it!!!!

Maggie in Toronto wrote:
Great blog - keep up the good work!

Eliva in Parsippany wrote:
Cathy, I agree. There is no one size fits all. We are creative about how we all make it work for us. If we're not transaparent and don't start sharing, we might be missing yet another opportunity to be creative and make life fit into work and work fit into life.

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe I shouldn't be, but I am amazed that the under 40-crowd has the perception that the other side of 40 crowd doesn't want the same things they do - flexibility, choice, more time with family, etc. At the end of the day, we are all really not that different in our desire for connection with other people, the ability to contribute, and the knowledge that we matter. Perhaps if the generations were to sit down and listen, rather than judge, we'd see that more clearly.

Deb in Los Angeles wrote:
Amen sister! I may an "old fogey" myself, but as a working mother of two young children I'm always looking for role models and ideas. I figure any discussion about how to make this all work is helpful, and who says all the good ideas have to come from within our organization? Anyone out there in the universe making this work?

Julia in Houston wrote:
In a meeting to brainstorm ways to encourage flexibility for our people, I brought up the topic discussed in the Compulsively Transparent blog entry. That entry suggested that we be willing to share with our colleagues when we are taking advantage of the flexibility we are afforded as partners/directors and the reasons we are doing so. I was taken aback at the vehement opposition to doing that! The general consensus was that if our people knew that it was OK to take off in the middle of the day (not just for a doctor's appointment but maybe just to go shopping - yikes!, that our people would run amok. I am continually amazed that while our people say that they want flexibility, they are afraid to allow those around them to have it. I presume that this is in fear of being taken advantage of. Of course we need to set boundaries - that is true in everything that we do. Flexibility is a two-way street. Professionals need flexibility for their lives, and the firm needs professionals to be flexible in order to meet our clients' needs. But I believe that the professionals we hire are quite capable of doing the right thing. We need to empower them to do so. And we need to show them by example that flexibility is an integral part of our culture.

Stephanie in New York City wrote:
I think it is great to address these issues and become more transparent now. As you've addressed in the past, becoming more transparent doesn't mean sharing everything… just being selective of what is in the open. As Gen X and Gen Y become more established in the work place, we're trying to feel our way and determine what it is that is really important to us. When we look to very senior partners and management, sometimes what we see is the success but not the balance. When you hear younger employees saying they don't want the same things, it can only help the situation by being more transparent. Instead of resenting what you've had to give up along the way, we can marvel and appreciate how you've learned to manage expectations and balance a successful career, family, community service… and the annual Nordstrom's sale to boot! If we aspire to be like the high-achieving women ahead of us, that only serves the firm well. I think clients, if not now, in time, will appreciate the honesty. It's really a sign of  innovation and thinking "outside the box" to be addressing these things openly. By openly discussing these issues, we'll be able to recruit the best talent from schools and the workforce, which is the only thing that will guarantee retaining our clients. We're a mobile and accessible workforce (laptops, blackberries, cell phones, etc , so we may as well take advantage of it and put the technology to use. We all know that there is something to be said for the first mover advantage, so the time to be addressing these issues is before the rest of the market catches on!